on sex

So this article caught my eye and as I read, a lightbulb popped up above my head. The lightbulb said to me, “That blog post you haven’t made? It should be about sex.”

So, in honor of the anthropomorphic lightbulb that talks to me: sex!

“Whereas the United States issues R-ratings to most movies with sexual content, countries like France and Germany weigh violence more heavily than sex when deciding how age-appropriate a film is.”

The U.S. has always, always been a country steered by its Puritanical foundations. Nowhere else is this clearer than the way the vast majority of Americans view sex. Like I said in a previous post, men who are good at getting laid are studs, but women who are good at getting laid have no positive word to describe them. I imagine that to be one of many reasons rape culture in the States is so prevalent even now.

I have a lot of thoughts that begin with, “If I have kids–” and one recent one was: “If I have kids, I’m going to be a lot stricter with the level of violence they see than the sex.” I remember finding out about sex through the internet when I was twelve; I saw Mufasa murdered when I was seven. Believe me when I say the latter did more lasting damage than the former.

Sex is pretty wonderful, and yet, in my country, people are brought up around an intensely and bizarrely polarizing sex culture. Sexual imagery is a key marketing tool, and so most of us wind up exposed to the stuff at a very early age, and then we’re told it’s bad. For girls. For boys, it’s only bad if they’re bad at it. And then there’s the whole religious aspect of it, but I’m not even going to touch that one.

(Can’t touch it. Da na na na na, na na, na na~)

Orgasms are pretty great in general, but I’ve also read some stuff that I choose to believe that says it’s also good for stress and healthy skin and stuff. … I dunno, I think just the feeling by itself is good enough to merit a lot of bonus points. It’s a shame that our country is so dominated by violence that sex is often seen as a danger to women rather than something fun.

I’ll just go ahead and quote this whole paragraph:

“Only 48 percent of Americans report feeling sexually satisfied, according to a Durex survey. That’s compared to 64 percent of Italians and a whopping 90 percent of lovers in Spain. Spanish men were also rated the best lovers in an international survey. American men didn’t make the top 10, but were the fifth worst.”

That’s just sad, American men.

But in their defense, our culture isn’t really teaching men how to have sex with women. It’s teaching them, overwhelmingly, that women are objects. This is probably leaving many women unsatisfied and an equal or larger number of men confused. The fact that the “where’s the clitoris” joke is a joke at all is sad. (It’s the goddamn bull’s eye at the top, men, get it together.)

Also, hey. I’m a firm believer in teaching from the positive side. From where I’m standing, sex education in American schools has way too much moral superiority involved. It’s all about avoiding sex, not how to have it safely. Also, there’s way too little information for girls. The fact that I just learned recently why my lower back hurts when Japanese Flag Day arrives (my friend J came up with that brilliant gem) is mildly horrifying.

I don’t even remember most of my sex education class. Know what I do remember? The section on STDs. I don’t think we learned a thing about lubrication or condoms (“they exist” was mentioned, maybe) and, of course, not a thing was mentioned about gay sex. You need, like, two sentences about STDs. Most kids will get it, and the reckless kids won’t get it no matter how many stories about genital plague you tell them.

We need more material in sex ed classes on consent, for sobbing out loud. Teach boys that short skirts aren’t an invitation to rape a girl. Teach girls that it’s always okay to say no, even if a guy buys her dinner. Give kids the information they need, because abstinence is bananas. Unusual not-quite-pun intended.

If I have kids, I want to raise them with the understanding that sex is a great thing, and like any great thing, it can be approached incorrectly. Because cake is great, too, but there are people who approach that wrong, too, and those people wind up with a burnt husk of a ravaged dream instead of a tasty morsel of excellent flavor and happiness.


3 thoughts on “on sex

  1. Standing ovations from me (well, if I weren’t at work right now you’d get them 😉 ) for this great post, very well written and informative (I never knew you could have menstrual cramps in other areas…explains a lot) and very needed. I think it is very important to teach children at an early age about their sexuality. Of course you can put it off but it doesn’t hinder any contact with the subject, it just raises the chances of the child encountering sexualized media, etc. and having nowhere to go with its questions.


    • Thank you kindly for the thought of a standing ovation. 🙂 It’s just as appreciated as the actual practice, I assure you!

      Maybe my lack of parenting experience talking, but I don’t see the harm in educating kids about the benefits of safe sex. Teaching them it’s wrong and taboo just makes them want to learn about it more, and then they learn about it – overwhelmingly – from porn, and porn (in its current state) reeeally shouldn’t be a teaching aid.

      Thank you for your comments! I’m always happy to see you’ve left one!


      • You are absolutely right, porn shouldn’t be the teaching aid and it should be possible to talk about everything with your kids. When I have kids someday I’ll try and make sure they learn in a safe environment. The world is hard enough.
        Another reason why your kind words warm my heart (^_^) thank you for that and have a good day/night


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